When someone asks what you do, it’s easy to answer with a list of responsibilities. Your work. Your family. The organizations you volunteer for. The people who count on you. But when someone asks what you enjoy, or what you’d like to do next, you might need a minute.

Jen Mentesana and I talked about that space between being needed and knowing what you want for yourself. Jen is a women’s entrepreneurship coach whose own path includes corporate America, raising her boys, and building a restaurant business with her husband. She knows what it feels like to keep everything moving while losing touch with the things that once lit you up.

When the Dream You’re Supporting Belongs to Someone Else

Jen shared the strain of keeping their restaurant business going through the pandemic and its aftermath. Her husband returned to corporate work, and she was managing the restaurant alongside the demands of family life.

Eventually, resentment started creeping in. She was working hard to hold together a dream that had begun as her husband’s, while her own coaching work had taken a back seat.

The conversation she finally had with him included a difficult admission: “I love our business, but this is not mine to save.”

She still loved her family and wanted to support their business. She also needed to make room for her own work and interests. Figuring out how to do both became part of her next chapter.

Have You Forgotten How to Play?

Somewhere between calendars, responsibilities, and getting everyone where they need to be, fun can become something we save for vacation.

I think a lot of us recognize that habit.

Jen recalled finding a video of her boys singing along to Tim McGraw in the back seat of her car. It reminded her that there had been joy in those busy years, too. Those ordinary moments mattered.

A favorite song, a long conversation with a girlfriend, or trying something simply because it sounds fun can give us a place to start. We can make room for those things in the lives we have today.

What Is That Yes Costing You?

Jen and I also talked about the challenge of saying no when people are used to hearing yes.

If “No” still feels a little abrupt, try one of these:

• “I don’t have the capacity for that right now.”

• “I’m not the right person for that task.”

• “I don’t have the bandwidth right now. Thank you for thinking of me.”

You can appreciate being asked and still decline. Before taking on another commitment, it helps to consider what you’ll be giving up to make room for it.

Your Next Chapter Gets to Be Yours

Jen made room for another possibility, too: you may already feel fulfilled. You may love the life you’ve built and feel ready to enjoy it. That deserves respect.

And if there’s an interest or dream that keeps getting your attention, you’re allowed to explore it. You can get curious about what you want now, even if it looks different from what you wanted twenty years ago.

Our conversation wraps up with French rosé, vodka sodas with lemon, and Jen’s memories of moving to Chicago with girlfriends who have been part of her life for decades. There’s something lovely about friends who remember earlier versions of you and keep showing up for the person you’re becoming.

Connect with Jen at jenmentesana.com or on Instagram. You’ll also find her podcast, Where Passion Meets Purpose, through her website.