You can tell a girlfriend all about a restaurant she needs to try. You can recommend a book, explain why you love it, and practically put it in her hands. But when it’s time to talk about your own work? Suddenly you’re worried about bothering someone.

That’s where sales confidence coach Karina Klaus and I spend much of this conversation. You care about the people you serve and believe in what you offer, yet the selling part can still feel uncomfortable. We talk about the ideas we’ve picked up about sales, the corporate habits we carry into our businesses, and how we can make room for a different experience.

When selling feels like becoming someone you’re not

Karina asks people to picture a salesperson. Often, the person they imagine is manipulative, persistent, and more interested in getting the sale than helping the customer. If that’s your picture of selling, of course you don’t want to do it. You don’t want to become that person.

This is familiar territory for me and the reason I teach Stop Selling, Start Serving. I spent years building relationships in business, and I know how different a conversation feels when you’re curious about the person in front of you. We don’t have to leave our kindness behind when we have something to offer.

Karina’s work focuses on the beliefs and associations that can make those conversations difficult. She describes the subconscious techniques she uses with clients, including an approach called Be Set Free Fast, or BSFF. Her perspective gives us a way to talk about why knowing what to do and feeling comfortable doing it can be two very different things.

A full calendar isn’t always freedom

Before we even got to introductions, Karina and I were talking about being fully booked. It sounds like the goal when you start a business. Then you get there and realize you’ve filled every bit of the freedom you were trying to create.

We had both experienced the less glamorous side of corporate life. Karina remembers traveling so much that she took pictures of her hotel-room numbers to keep track. Later, after starting her business, she found herself working late in a cold, dark Berlin apartment and wondering why she was still there when she could work somewhere else.

She booked a flight to Portugal for the next morning. What was supposed to be the first stop in her digital-nomad life became home. She still gets excited about being able to walk by the ocean after work.

You don’t have to put everything on the line

Karina is clear that she had favorable circumstances when she started her business. She had income coming in and no dependents to support. That matters, especially when so much business advice tells people to quit everything and figure it out.

We talk about the women who are keeping a household going, showing up for a job, and trying to find enough energy to build something of their own. Adding more pressure doesn’t necessarily help. There’s room to take steps toward what you want while honoring the responsibilities you already have.

People still need to know you’re there

One of the most practical parts of our conversation is about combining inner work with action. You can spend time reflecting on what you want and noticing the beliefs that get in your way. You also need to talk with people and let them know how you can help.

Karina points out that taking action gives you information. You notice where the discomfort shows up when you write the message, talk about your offer, or have the conversation. Then you have something specific to work with. That fits right in with something I say often: action brings clarity.

And that favorite restaurant you have no trouble recommending? Karina’s example involves chocolate mousse. When you’re excited about something and want a friend to enjoy it too, sharing feels natural. It’s a useful place to begin when you’re thinking about how you talk about your own work.

A little chocolate-mousse research

Our conversation ends with Karina’s friends and their ongoing effort to confirm which restaurant has the best chocolate mousse. Naturally, that requires trying it at other places. We also make room for Portugal’s little custard tarts, pastéis de nata, because apparently there’s room for both.

There’s something fitting about ending there. We started by talking about freedom and a calendar with room to breathe, and finished with friends, favorite desserts, and enjoying the place you call home. Those things deserve space in the business you’re building, too.

Connect with Karina

Karina offers a free on-demand Sales Blocks Masterclass about the blocks and patterns she sees in her work with women entrepreneurs.

Find her on her website, Instagram, or LinkedIn.